Sunday
7/15/12:
The final day of The 2012 Reebok CrossFit Games was about to go
underway and I was here, qualified and deserving, but not able to
continue. I woke in time to head down to breakfast at the
hotel to wish the Invictus Team and some other individual athletes
good luck in the last workouts. It was harder than I thought
to go down there. I contained my emotions as I wished them
luck, but broke down in my hotel room as I got ready to go to The
Home Depot Center for what was sure to be an exciting day of
competition.
With Marcus at my side for strength, we spent Sunday as
spectators cheering on the last standing athletes as they contended
for the title of The Fittest on Earth. I think it's human
nature to second-guess and ask "what if's"…and that's exactly what
I was doing on Sunday. The first workout being The Double
Banger, I knew that I would have been able to gut through it and
that I would have done well if I was healthy. Growing up with
a dad who is a carpenter and working as a groundskeeper for four
years through college I was no stranger to throwing a sludge hammer
around and double-unders are no problem. I had to shake those
thoughts from my mind though…they would be the end of me. I
knew that I made the right decision and the risk of further injury
was too high. So, I swallowed those thoughts and instead gave
some of the other girls tips on how to approach the workout based
on what I knew about hard labor. During the women's heats, I
yelled my heart out for those girls, fighting back tears the entire
time.
When the final workout was announced, it reaffirmed my decision
to be the smart one. There was no way my neck would have made
it through "Elizabeth", "Isabel" or "Fran". There was nothing
more that I wanted than to be out there, but I knew there was a
reason…not sure what the reason was…but I knew there was one.
It was amazing to watch the athletes battle to the finish.
The effort, the camaraderie and the passion exhibited by each
individual athlete was inspiring to watch, but also so challenging
for me to maintain composure. At that moment there was
nothing harder in life than watching others do what I felt I should
have been doing. The hard work put in month after month after
month this last year seemed like it was for nothing. That of
course was not the truth once I had time to reflect.
Reflection…
We put our heart and soul into what we love. CrossFit has
become a love of mine. I do it because I am able, because I
like how it makes me feel and because it's fun. Getting
6th at The 2011 Reebok CrossFit Games my rookie season
was mind-blowing, motivating but also a game changer for me.
Coming into the 2012 season I now felt like I had more pressure to
do well for myself, for my fans, for my support team and for my
sponsors. This pressure was of course self-inflicted and
potentially played a part in my demise at The Games.
Battling an injury is not uncommon in the world of
athletics. Watching the Olympics you see athletes taped,
braced and nursing aches and pains. The CrossFit Games are
the Olympics of exercise and the story is the same here. I
was not the only athlete coming into 2012 fighting an injury.
Unfortunately, on the weekend of July 13th,
14th, 15th, my injury flared up to a point
that was beyond my control and I could no longer push
through. Throughout my season, starting not long before The
Open, I had to listen to my body and take some time off to let the
flare up calm itself to point where I could function again.
Did I take enough time off? No! Did I do what the
doctor ordered each time I had a relapse? No! Do I
regret that 100%? Yes! I have been an athlete my entire
life, starting with little league softball, and have of course been
dealt my fair share of muscle tears, stress fractures and other
minor injuries that I was always able to push through. Once
this neck thing came about I figured I could do the same
thing. Once the shooting pains subsided during the flare-ups
I figured I was good to go. With that approach it was just a
matter of time until my neck gave out on me again. Two weeks
before regionals I was down and out, but let it rest enough to
where I was able to compete and win the Norcal Region. Three
weeks after Regionals I was laid up again…this time the worst
yet. However, with my medical and support team behind me I
was able to rehab it to the point of feeling healthy again. I
was in for The Games!
What made it flare up at The Games? Was it the HSPU
workout? Was it the events leading up to it? Or was it
just plain bad luck? Yes…the pounding from the run, the
compression from jumping during the O-course, the several missed
attempts at the bar muscle up, the fatigue and stress my body was
being dealt that weekend…all combined together to aggravate my neck
injury. But it also was that my neck was not healthy coming
in. The biggest thing that I learned this season was that we
have to listen to our bodies. They are machines, but machines
also sometimes have mechanical failures and need to be fixed.
That is what is happening with my neck. Now with a couple of
months to stay away from training and doing and things that I know
are not good for my injury, it's time to fully heal. I will
come back to 2013 stronger and healthier and you can bet with more
fire under me than ever before.
I mentioned before that I believe everything happens for a
reason and at the time I wasn't sure what the reason for this
was. In the last several weeks I have had time to think
about it and have an answer…actually a couple of answers.
Number one, my cousin Amanda was one of many family members that
came to support me that weekend. When I was there she told me
that she had called a local CrossFit gym in her area and signed up
for an appointment with a coach the following week. Amanda
was an incredible swimmer in her high school/college years, but
with work and the addition of her beautiful baby girl to their
family, she hasn't taken time for herself to keep her
healthy. The CrossFit Games changed her life and in the last
couple weeks she has started her journey to regaining her life
back. Here is a picture of her getting after it. I am
so proud of you Mandy!!! Love you so much!!
The second thing that absolutely touched my heart happened on
Sunday in the stands when I should have been on the floor
competing. When I released my video about my life with
epilepsy, I received a touching response from a woman named Tamera
telling me about her niece Brooklyn who is 5 years old and also
living with this disorder. She said that my video provided
inspiration and hope for her, Brooklyn and their family.
Knowing it was a shot in the dark, but hoping it would happen, I
asked her to please try and find me during The Games so I could
meet her. Long story short, on Sunday I was standing on the
landing above the bleachers looking down and trying to fight back
tears when I heard someone say my name and tapped on my
shoulder. I turned around to see a woman standing with one of
the cutest little girls I'd ever seen. Tamera introduced
herself and Brooklyn to me and I immediately embraced both of them
with the tightest hug I could muster up. I knelt down to
Brooklyn's level and asked her if she was going to be a CrossFitter
when she grew up. Her response…"I have a pink jump
rope." It was so cute and I about died laughing but
controlled myself and asked her if I could come jump rope with her
someday. She said yes and my heart sank...I've never wanted
to jump rope so badly in my life! Seeing Brooklyn that day
and knowing her story brought me back to reality again. Being
a CrossFit athlete doesn't define me as a person. It's
something that I get to do, something I am healthier for and
something I get to inspire others through, but looking Brooklyn in
the eyes that day made me remember that I am lucky to do all of
this and there is so much more to life than having to withdraw from
a competition. I was wrapped up in what had happened the day
before, instead of embracing the present and finding the positive
light in where I was at that moment. Thank you Brooklyn!
My 2012 season was not as I had expected, had hoped or could
have even imagined…but it ended the way it was supposed to. I
learned a more valuable lesson having to withdraw than I would have
if I had made it to the top. To quote the great Lance
Armstrong, "It's not about the bike." That's so true. I
made it to The Reebok CrossFit Games 2 years in a row with less
than 2 years of CrossFit training under my belt. That is
something that I can never be disappointed with and am honored to
even say I have been able to be a part of. This year I put my
heart and soul into my training, into the stress of fighting an
injury, into spending less time doing what I wanted to be doing and
instead doing what I thought I should have been doing. Great
things came of that…I landed sponsorships with Reebok, Rogue, Pure
Pharma, Digigraph and Primal Blueprint. I was able to work
with one the top CrossFit coaches around, CJ Martin. I was
able to improve myself as an athlete, gaining strength and
improving technique. I was able to connect with so many
people as a CrossFit athlete and continue to meet great people in
the sport everyday. For me, this season was about getting my
word out about and becoming a spokesperson for epilepsy
awareness. I can honestly say this now that I have had time
to reflect…there is nothing about this season I would change
because it is how it was supposed to be. I am excited to see
what this next year brings as my injury heals, my body strengthens
and mind becomes more focused.